I Can't Walk Away Chapter 7

Mika's Note: Told ya I'd be back... some more potty mouths...

I walked around in a depression induced haze for at least three weeks after my last visit with Jonas. The idea that not only was Macy pregnant but that he had decided to rededicate himself to her sent my head spinning. And my heart breaking.

Deep down, I’ve always known that the day would come when he’d leave me but I never thought it would be like this. I thought we’d slowly grow apart or that we’d have this big knockdown, drag out fight and end up hating each other. Never in my wildest nightmare did I imagine he’d leave me for his wife. I mean, wasn’t I his salvation from that very woman? And obviously his relationship with her has been better than he’s been letting on.

With the support of my two dearest friends, I spilled my big secret. I came clean to them about everything – the affair, the baby, the heartache, every last detail. After a few moments of watching their mouths gape and eyes widen, Shay started to bawl; Carter started to fume.

“How could he do this?” he wanted to know. “Lying, sneaking bastard.”

Me, I knew how easy it was. Started on a whim and became a habit. And after awhile, you get to the point where you know no different.

Shay was more concerned about me at least. “Will you be okay?”

I nodded; I didn’t have much choice, really. Pull myself up by the boot straps and keep on truckin’. Besides, you can only feel so sorry for yourself before you even get sick of you.

“How did all this happen?” they both wanted to know. So, with a heavy heart and a good dose of I don’t wanna do this I retold my story to them. By the end, they were both shaking their heads, sad for me; angry at him.

Which is good for me, I guess.

Somehow, sometime during this retelling of the greatest adventure of my life, I came to a conclusion. No matter how much it hurt me to lose him, I had to stop relying on him for my happiness. If I was going to have this child and raise him right, I needed to be strong. I needed to be the Morgan I was before I ever met Jonas McCaskill.

And I was going to start now.

While Carter began plotting revenge on the scum that knocked me up (his words, not mine, I swear!), Shay and I talked babies. Names, clothes, nurseries, Lamaze classes… the works. I can’t even begin to describe the relief I felt at having my secret out in the open finally. I just wished I’d been able to confess my sins to Jonas before it was too late.

And now I was stuck.

At well-past my bedtime, I ushered the crew out. We exchanged hugs, kisses, a few belly rubs, and a threat or two before they left me to my thoughts.

This wasn’t going to be easy, but I could do it. And not so much now because I had to, but with every passing minute, it was becoming more because I wanted to than anything else. I wanted a happy, healthy baby to live in a happy, loving home. And that’s just what he was going to get.

And, if later on down the line I found another man? Well, we’d see. But you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to make sure he’s not married – or even dating anyone else – first.

But that whole find a daddy thing? It’s filed safely in the to do later – much, much later file. For now? My focus was squarely on me for the first time in a long while.