Choices

Okay, so the last few days have been really hard on me and I don’t know why or how to fix it.  So, I decided to sit down and write today, hoping it’d help.  It didn’t, or at least, not much, but whatever.  But I did it, and here it is.

Note: the ending kinda sucks, but what with the mood I’m in, I figured that if I didn’t find a way to give these two a HEA, or at least a HFN, it’d end in a murder-suicide and we’d have Wes and Travis on-site to solve the mystery… LMAO. 

Side note: I have a new obsession and his name is Warren Kole.  And this is the picture I ogled while writing this short.  I swear, his smile is enough to almost lift this haze of depression I’m fighting…

Not bad, eh?  He’s got a great smile and lovely, lovely lips.  A mouth to die for.  Or to kiss senseless.  *coughs*  Where was I?  Oh.  Right.  Warren.  To make matters worse (better?), he has this deliciously deep voice and this way of standing there that just draws you in.  Completely. 

Anyway… the story.  It’s here.  Enjoy.

--

Choices

I see his face and it stops me in my tracks. Those sultry blue eyes framed by golden lashes. My heart skips a beat and suddenly I realize that he’s no longer mine. That he’s moved on and is loving someone new. She moves into his embrace and one slender arm wraps around his waist, pulling him near. Possessive.

My heart breaks. Watching him direct his endless affection at her is too much and I move to leave. Something tugs at me and I look back, just a glance over my shoulder. I see those full, pink lips turn up at the corners and I can see just a hint of perfectly straight, white teeth peeking out. He used to smile at me like that, like I was his whole world.

He’s pulling me back in again and I’m helpless to resist.

I want to go to him, to tell him I’m sorry and that I want it all back, but I can’t. With him, I’m just not able, not after all that’s gone between us. So I swallow my hurt and I walk away, all the words that needed speaking are left unspoken. All my emotions left bubbling, brewing beneath the surface of my soul

I love you, I need you, I didn’t mean to. I was wrong and I’m sorry. Take me back, please, and save me from myself.

It takes everything within me, but somehow I manage to walk away. Even if I leave a piece of me behind on the sidewalk.

--

I knew it was her from the moment I saw her auburn curls floating on the breeze. Why hadn’t she stopped, said hello? Why was there always so much pain in her bright green eyes?

To say I had no idea would be lying to myself and I hated nothing more than a liar. I knew where that hurt came from and I knew that I was responsible for it. Yeah, she’d been the one to make the mistake, but I could have forgiven her, couldn’t I? So why didn’t I say the words when they came to me?

I love you and we can make this right. I can’t forgive you yet, but maybe in time. I don’t want you to go, let’s give it one more try.

I had been willing to give her another chance and yet, I didn’t. And I regretted it every night when I went to bed alone. Hated myself for reinforcing the pain when it wasn’t necessary.

The girl that had weaseled her way to my side returned my attention to her with a sigh of impatience. Looking at her, I understood in that moment what I needed to do if I was ever going to be happy again. If I was ever going to make things right with my heart. With a grunt, I pushed away and took off.

After her. After my future.

“Wait,” I called. She turned. I smiled. She smiled back, tentative.

I hold out my open arms. She hesitates just a moment and then she comes running back. To me. To us.

--

Last note (had to get one more in, right?): No idea if this will ever go any farther or not, but hey, it’s here and that’s more than I can say for anything else I’ve started lately.  LOL

~Mika