A Day in the Life

Mika's Notes: Sadly, this really DID happen.  And even scarier?  They HIRED HIM.

99.5% of the time I love my job, I really do.  I like talking to people.  I like the joking and teasing and good humor of the plumbers I work with.  But every now and then, things go bad fast.

My number 1 pet peeve is stupid people.  If you're confused or you just don't understand,that's one thing, and entirely understandable.  Even if you just forgot, which is annoying as hell, it's still understandable.  But when you're just plain stupid?  I don' get it.

Today's example:

We're hiring, right?  Okay, no big deal, or so you would think.  However, a 'help wanted' ad seems to bring out every freak and crazy person in the valley.  Along with all the stupid ones as well.  I cannot tell you how many calls a day I get during an ad run asking if we are still hiring plumbers.  Nope, sorry, we're only looking for electricians today.  DOH!  We're a PLUMBING company you freak!  Of COURSE we're looking for plumbers!

But I digress.

Not long after I arrived this morning, I got a typical call. 

Me: "Good morning, Blade Plumbing, how may I help you?"

Freak du Jour: "I saw your ad in the paper."

Me, rolling eyes: "Yes.  And?"

Freak: "Are you still hiring plumbers?"

Me, resisting the urge to tell him the ad only started today and that um, yeah, we're still hiring.  "Of course, come on in and put in an application."

Freak: "Well, you know, gas prices are high right now and I'd rather not come all the way down if I'm not going to get the job."

Me, grasping phone in a choke hold: "Well, they don't do phone interviews and if you're experienced, I'm sure there won't be an issue with you getting hired."  Didn't tell him we were rather desperate at that point.

Long silence and then Freak: "Oh, okay."  Disgusted sigh.  "I'll come down.  Where are you located?"

So, I, being the amazingly organized and efficient secretary that I am, give him our address, cross streets, and some brief directions.  Now, several years ago, we expanded our building and now share it with a communications company.  Their doors are locked for security reasons and you have to call up to get clearance to be let in. Us, not so much, but you have to tell people it seems because they miss the very obvious, very bright green sign hanging over our door.  So, I tell him: "When you get here, pull into the first driveway and park in the parking lot.  You'll see a big, bright sign with Blade Plumbing on it."

Freak: "Okay, I'll be there in an hour."

Four hours later, I get another call. 

Me: "Good afternoon, Blade Plumbing, how may I help you?"

Freak from Earlier: "You're not here."

Me, wondering WTF this guy is smoking.  "Yes, we are.  Our door is set back from the main building some, but there's a..."

Freak, who is beginning to tick me off.  "No, you're not.  I'm in your parking lot and you're not here."

Me, now wishing he was sharing whatever it was: "Okay, where are you?"

Freak: "You're across from the paper company, right?"

Me: "Right.  And where are you?"

"I'm in the lot directly across from the paper company, and you're not there."

Me, thinking the hell I'm not, if I wasn't we wouldn't be having this inane conversation.: "Yes we are.  Stay right where you are and I'll come out and get you."

And that's exactly what I did.  I got up from my desk and poked my head into our Estimator, Jordan's, office.  Luckily, his brother, Davis, was there as well since he's the one doing the hiring.  "I'm going downstairs to prove to this freak that we are where I said we are.  My advice?  Don't hire him.  He's in the parking lot and can't find us."  Leaving them staring after me, I went down the stairs, out the front door and into the parking lot.  I found him standing four cars down from the front door, unable to locate the BIG FREAKING SIGN above the door. 

And yeah, they hired him.

And you wonder why I'm a Mad Secretary, right?